August 15, 2017 - It was late in the morning that day when I finally decided to go and see a doctor in a local hospital (Angono Medics Hospital) for a prescription as I had been suffering for days prior from what I thought was a simple case of diarrhea.
The "uncomfortable situation" was preventing me from preparing for a pitch I was scheduled to deliver in front of the officers of a major streaming network as well as being able to meet the other requirements of an online video contest based in the UK for which my entry was shortlisted.
So yes, I had to deal with said "diarrhea" and deal with it fast!
Though I was very weak, dehydrated and could barely stand-up, somehow I still managed to grab a tricycle and check myself in. When it was finally my turn for the consultation, it took just one look at me and the physician immediately decided that I needed to be confined that very same day. My initial thought-balloon reaction then was "Ang OA naman ng doktor na 'to" (this doctor is over-acting) as I insisted (all in my head) that what I needed was just a better pill for my diarrhea.
Yet after a bit more persuasion from the doctor and nurses, I finally relented. But then the hospital asked me to go back to our house and fetch my sister because of some "outdated" hospital policy that I had to be with someone before the hospital could check me in. #CrazyPolicy
And so it was by late afternoon when I was finally lying in the hospital bed among other patients (as the private rooms were mostly occupied), attached to an oxygen tank and a dextrose as the series of tests and medication began and continued throughout the night.
The next morning, the doctor finally came to see me and she had with her the results of my overnight tests. "We need to operate on your kidney" she began and she continued to speak about me having an acute case of amoebiasis and that affected my kidney and that I was also losing potassium fast and that in turn was affecting my heart that in turn could lead to a heart attack any moment but then taking too much potassium would hurt my already damaged kidney and so I had to have the operation done asap, etc., etc., etc. #BadNewsOverload
After dumping on me that barrage of bad news, the doctor left and promised to return later at night, expecting my consent to the kidney operation.
But just as immediately as the doctor was out of my sight, I told my sister that I was checking myself out of the hospital.
For even when the doctor was still rambling on about her findings, something deep inside me said one word - NO.
NO. I was not going to be operated on. NO one was going to slice and open me up in any part of my body. I checked in whole and I was leaving the hospital whole. That was my decision.
And so after signing a waiver (relieving the hospital of any responsibility whatever happened to me) and buying all the medications prescribed by the doctor (which turned out to be mostly for the diarrhea and potassium supplement [which I had been warned not to take too much as it could further damage my kidney] and nothing for the kidney itself), I checked out of the hospital that same day (my sister later told me that my attending physician was teary-eyed 😢 when she, my sister, handed to her, the physician, the signed waiver).
Back at home and in my room, I spent most of the next couple of weeks lying in bed. Honestly I was just waiting for anything to happen - and I mean anything. And in those days of ill-health; difficulty in breathing, constant bowel movements and physical weakness, in those quiet times of uncertainty, I came to realize something that I never even thought about before.
I realized that I was not afraid. I was not afraid to die. I realized I was at peace - with life and death. I was at peace with life or death.
And that Peace is Most Personal and Most Precious and Most Assuring and Most Liberating.
And with that realization came moments of me seeing visions and hearing things and having ideas I never thought I had, some of which I decided to put down on paper, the rest remains clear in my head and in my heart.
Like I said, it's an innermost experience, something I could only describe as spiritual and I am not writing this to convince or make anyone understand. I experienced what I experienced and that's it.
So if not to convince any, why am I writing these? I am writing all these to simply commemorate and to share and yes, to celebrate that one year after that grueling experience, I am still here; renewed, living, writing and still "unoperated on" - yes my kidneys are intact and its doing so much better than before.
Before September, 2017 ended, I soon came out of my bedroom and began living normally again. I even made my way to the next pitching session. But most importantly, I know I have just began a new chapter in my life.
I am thankful and grateful to, and humbled by ABBA, my FATHER and my GOD.
I am thankful and grateful to, and humbled by my LORD JESUS CHRIST.
I am thankful and grateful and humbled for the Peace.
Today my prayer goes something like this - "Abba, should I continue to live, please continue to bless me as well; on top of wisdom, more than health, other than wealth, along with peace, please Bless My Heart with Love.
In Jesus name, Amen."
- Ramon Españo Bayron
I CHOOSE LIFE.
The "uncomfortable situation" was preventing me from preparing for a pitch I was scheduled to deliver in front of the officers of a major streaming network as well as being able to meet the other requirements of an online video contest based in the UK for which my entry was shortlisted.
So yes, I had to deal with said "diarrhea" and deal with it fast!
Though I was very weak, dehydrated and could barely stand-up, somehow I still managed to grab a tricycle and check myself in. When it was finally my turn for the consultation, it took just one look at me and the physician immediately decided that I needed to be confined that very same day. My initial thought-balloon reaction then was "Ang OA naman ng doktor na 'to" (this doctor is over-acting) as I insisted (all in my head) that what I needed was just a better pill for my diarrhea.
Yet after a bit more persuasion from the doctor and nurses, I finally relented. But then the hospital asked me to go back to our house and fetch my sister because of some "outdated" hospital policy that I had to be with someone before the hospital could check me in. #CrazyPolicy
And so it was by late afternoon when I was finally lying in the hospital bed among other patients (as the private rooms were mostly occupied), attached to an oxygen tank and a dextrose as the series of tests and medication began and continued throughout the night.
The next morning, the doctor finally came to see me and she had with her the results of my overnight tests. "We need to operate on your kidney" she began and she continued to speak about me having an acute case of amoebiasis and that affected my kidney and that I was also losing potassium fast and that in turn was affecting my heart that in turn could lead to a heart attack any moment but then taking too much potassium would hurt my already damaged kidney and so I had to have the operation done asap, etc., etc., etc. #BadNewsOverload
After dumping on me that barrage of bad news, the doctor left and promised to return later at night, expecting my consent to the kidney operation.
But just as immediately as the doctor was out of my sight, I told my sister that I was checking myself out of the hospital.
For even when the doctor was still rambling on about her findings, something deep inside me said one word - NO.
NO. I was not going to be operated on. NO one was going to slice and open me up in any part of my body. I checked in whole and I was leaving the hospital whole. That was my decision.
And so after signing a waiver (relieving the hospital of any responsibility whatever happened to me) and buying all the medications prescribed by the doctor (which turned out to be mostly for the diarrhea and potassium supplement [which I had been warned not to take too much as it could further damage my kidney] and nothing for the kidney itself), I checked out of the hospital that same day (my sister later told me that my attending physician was teary-eyed 😢 when she, my sister, handed to her, the physician, the signed waiver).
Back at home and in my room, I spent most of the next couple of weeks lying in bed. Honestly I was just waiting for anything to happen - and I mean anything. And in those days of ill-health; difficulty in breathing, constant bowel movements and physical weakness, in those quiet times of uncertainty, I came to realize something that I never even thought about before.
I realized that I was not afraid. I was not afraid to die. I realized I was at peace - with life and death. I was at peace with life or death.
And that Peace is Most Personal and Most Precious and Most Assuring and Most Liberating.
And with that realization came moments of me seeing visions and hearing things and having ideas I never thought I had, some of which I decided to put down on paper, the rest remains clear in my head and in my heart.
Like I said, it's an innermost experience, something I could only describe as spiritual and I am not writing this to convince or make anyone understand. I experienced what I experienced and that's it.
So if not to convince any, why am I writing these? I am writing all these to simply commemorate and to share and yes, to celebrate that one year after that grueling experience, I am still here; renewed, living, writing and still "unoperated on" - yes my kidneys are intact and its doing so much better than before.
Before September, 2017 ended, I soon came out of my bedroom and began living normally again. I even made my way to the next pitching session. But most importantly, I know I have just began a new chapter in my life.
I am thankful and grateful to, and humbled by ABBA, my FATHER and my GOD.
I am thankful and grateful to, and humbled by my LORD JESUS CHRIST.
I am thankful and grateful and humbled for the Peace.
And whatever happens from hereon, I will remain at peace and unafraid.
For now, more than ever, I know I am not alone.Today my prayer goes something like this - "Abba, should I continue to live, please continue to bless me as well; on top of wisdom, more than health, other than wealth, along with peace, please Bless My Heart with Love.
In Jesus name, Amen."
- Ramon Españo Bayron
I CHOOSE LIFE.
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| same time last year (August, 2017), I was lying very ill in bed. this year (August, 2018), I'm standing on a rock amidst the waves. I call it Healing. I believe it's Grace. And I am most Thankful. ABBA is Good. #MyTrueStory |
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